The sound of a hundred strings,
Soothing melody of the autumn springs,
Would soon fill the empty silence of the auditorium
As the Master musician got ready for the act.
Harmonious rhythms brought joy into the room
Happiness spread itself everywhere, with no place for gloom.
Each string told a mystical story
As if taking us into a whole new dimension.
Each melody told us something new,
Preparing us for stories which we never knew,
The music became more intense with each passing pluck
As untold tunes captivated the crowd like never before.
Music at a different level was being played today,
We knew forever in out hearts...this melody would stay,
The strokes so perfect,the sounds so sweet,
Heaven itself envied us mortals for once.
With the final tune,the strings finished their song
The musician with his hundred strings would be remembered,
Remembered long after he was gone,
For his music that made us alive
For the strokes like those that made us wish,
Why could we not go on living?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,024 Literary Works • 672,882 Reviews
Hey there YG, how’s it hanging. Sorry if it took me so long to get here. I sorta forgot about my WRFF thread.
Okay, poetry isn’t my specialty but I’ll give you my opinion anyways. Now, right off the bat, I’m not a huge fan of this rhyme scheme. It’s very…AAZQ/BBMF and then in the last stanza TYWRNX. It lacks a structure and for me, it’s not exactly successful.
There there’s the issue with the sudden change of subject in the last line. It’s very confusing. The poem could carry itself far better without that line.
But like I’ve mentioned, these are just my opinions. I’m not the greatest poetry reviewer but I try.
~lilymoore
Hey, Young gun! Thanks for the link to this.
You've chosen an interesting format for this. At first it seemed a little strange, but the more I read the more I liked it. I do think that if you're going to invent a new format, though, you should follow it strictly, throughout the whole poem. And you do, except for the last stanza. In the first four stanzas, the first two lines rhyme, and the second two don't. This isn't true with the last stanza. It also has six lines when the rest have four. I think it would work better if you either condensed it down to four lines, or added two lines and split it into two separate stanzas.
I noticed the word 'string' is repeated a lot. It's a great word, but if you use it too much it gets a bit repetitive (as would any word.) Swapping in some synonyms would fix this, and could potentially add even more nice images.
The ellipse seems out of place in this. I think it sounds great without it, but if you want the pause in there, maybe use a comma or a dash?
The last line was kind of confusing. It introduces another entire topic-- we can't go on living? That wasn't mentioned before. It's kind of an abrupt change. If you're going to keep it, maybe allude to it a bit more obviously in the earlier lines?
Something I really liked here was how natural your words are with each other. It sounds like it was meant to be read out loud, which is really awesome. I'd love to see more of your poetry, and keep up the good writing!
Well, since everyone has talked grammar and nitpicks, I don't know what to do! This poem had perfect punctuation, and I loved it. I really couldn't find anything wrong
I think this is a great and beautiful topic to write about, and the words you used flowed so nicely and fit in perfectly. Bravo!
~Classy
Thank you all for your reviews.They were very helpful.
Hey there! Here to review as requested.
Nitpicks:
I think it might be better if you say "The soothing melody of Autumn springs." Just switch the placing of your "the".
I've just added in some bolded punctuation which I think would be better here.
Yeah, I'm with Logan on this one. You need to replace the ellipses with that.
You need a space after the comma.
Space after the comma. And maybe a full stop at the end.
Overall:
It is a really nice poem. There's not too much wrong with it that I can see and there are a couple of really nice lines in there! However, I think that you were trying to tell a story about the music master, but the best parts were the stanzas about music itself. Therefore, I think it might be better if you maybe just focused on the music and instead of finishing with the conductor finish with the last notes of the song or something. That's only an idea however because that doesn't take away from the poem too much!
Hope this helped!
~Amy
Two spaces between each and spring. This really doesn't matter but I felt I needed to point it out.
I don't like when people put periods like this. Maybe take them out or replace it with, "that,"?
Needs to be a space after the comma.
This is my favorite paragraph as well. I was thinking, what the heck? As it had 6 lines of text but it turned out great.
All-in-all, not much room for improvement - it's great and I enjoyed reading it. Probably 7/10 / 3.5/10. I'm not one that really loves poetry, though I do enjoy writing it seldom, but it was great.
Keep on writing!
Logan. xLogan's xTravagant Reviews.
Hey, your poem was superb! I loved it!
I found an error:
I have written in bold what I felt the word should be.
There was another flaw in the poem. The first paragraph has been written in the future tense, whereas the second paragraph has been written in the past tense.
My favorite paragraph was:
The best part of your poem was- It was simple, yet had that emotional touch.